Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Holy sore nipples Batman
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
