It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
