she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
