I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
