Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
