On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
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