please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
that is very illegal...i love you.
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