i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
