It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
