not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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