you traded sex for a burrito?
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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