i just had sex bonerless
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I enjoy the company of your penis
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