someone threw a dead crab at me
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
