You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Randomize
