I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
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