I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
