just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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