was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
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