Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(518): View more from New York

He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.

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(310): View more from California

Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice

Fav 14 933 3321
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(303): View more from Colorado

why im i the only drunk person in the library?

Fav 20 6313 1151
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(765): View more from Indiana

He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.

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(419): View more from Ohio

The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.

Fav 17 1143 2716
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(518): View more from New York

I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?

Fav 4 1360 756
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(508): View more from Massachusetts

Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives

Fav 5 518 1084
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(205): View more from Alabama

Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball

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(864): View more from South Carolina

You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.

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