he puts the penis in happiness.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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