just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
