dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
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