somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I love you. Go after that dick
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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