My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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