i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Randomize
