i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
