you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
