My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
