you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
