last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
