Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
