honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
