Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
