Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I think my vagina is haunted
My ATM looks so different sober.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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