Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
