do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
