hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
