She is in my trunk
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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