Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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