YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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