I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
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