hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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