Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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