So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
