Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Another day, another engagement, another cat
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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