Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
