JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
