Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Drake has all the answers
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
