I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
