My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
