Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
