Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
