You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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