Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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